Parsifal meditations

These meditations were originally created to be part of a joint effort of building up positiv energies for the year to come 2017 and were for the first time carried out during the holy nights between december 24 2016 and january 6 2017. The theme is the story of Parzival, who at the end of the story becomes the leader of those who guard the holy grail, which is a symbol for the way the infinte abundance of the Spirit World enters our World of Limitations inspiring wholeness and progress. The meditations can however just as effectively be used outside this original context. You can go through them as a whole or you might want to extract for yourself whatever is serving you.

I want to point out some of the characteristics of this story and it's central figure. Parzival is born to be a member of an old culture of courage and honor, which according to the story was present in both Christian and Islamic nations, the culture of the knights. The cultivation of the individuals raw will power and raw passion is an underlying motiv and in the case of Parzival also the transformation of these forces into organs of a higher life.

He arrives at last at a state of being in which all his enormous strength and ability to fight are serving his higher self, and in which his tremendously strong passions allow themselves to be guided by genuine love and compassion. That is however not at all where he starts and this spiritual work will be: to contemplate over and connect with Parzivals way of transformation and hopefully acchieve some of this transformation for ourselves.

I suggest a way of contemplation about the stages of this development and I  shared the content of these stages (like they are told by Wolfram von Eschenbach) originally each evening during the holy nights. I believe the energies that can flow in through this spiritual work could be especially beneficial for the present global situation.

I shall explain at the beginning of the first meditation how I myself actually do it, just to give you a direction. We all have our own various ways of meditating. I am also suggesting a way to give eachother strength and protection and to release the energy as a help to humanity.

Parzival is one of the ascended masters and he is preparing for a huge task in the future: The reintegration of all who have fallen into evil and are trapped in it into the lightful path of true evolution.

Simply join this work if you want to. I will probably not cosciously know about it but we will be connected through our efforts. You do not need to know the story or read it right now. You find an account of the most important pictures on this page and in the beginning some general information about the holy nights between the 24th of december and the 6th of january.

Blessings of light.

Some general information about the holy nights between the 24th of december and the 6th of january

It began with a fact that we also know from music: Frequencies never add up. In the time of a year the Sun stands once between Earth and each sign of the Zodiac. The Moon does so twelve times in the same time and then she still has time left in which she, so to speak, has to wait for the Sun to complete his circle. Of course she doesn't actually stop and wait but the energy of the twelve nights which have these eleven days between them is one of delving deep down while waiting. 

The first of the nights opens up to the energy of Pisces, the second to the energy of Aquarius and so on until we in the evening of january 4 reach Aries. - Then we need a day to collect it all together and internalize it.
The 13th night is there to dissolve the intense and sometimes heavy energies, so we become able to fully wake up back into our normal state of being in the morning of january 6.

There are of course many aspects of this. I want to focus on two:

1) In a usual night we go through our thoughts of the day under divine eyes, evaluating their value. In the holy nights we do the same thing with the whole richness of happy and unhappy feelings we have experienced through the year. The content of our innermost will is never under divine eyes until we die. We use the first time after death, usually about 20 - 30 years for that.

2) While the divine loving evaluation of our feelings is progressing, we are more and more released from all bonds that normally bind us. Family and nations, also idealistic families and even our karmic conditions .. until we at New Years Eve can reach a state of total freedom. The same goes also for the Nature Spirits, who use this free room to prepare what shall grow in the coming year. If we manage to use this free room to prepare our coming year in a similar way, our decisions, that we take in this special time have a much more powerful effect.

Good luck.

With love and blessings of light

Contemplativ meditations about Parzival (1)

To meditate I need to decide to calm myself down to the kind of calm you enter when you have searched for something in an impatient and uneffictive way and understand it won't work this way. You stop to move, you stop your nervous thinking, you calm your feelings by feeling your body from the inside, especially by feeling a connection of heart and hands, you take a deep breathe. When preparing to meditate it is in addition very helpful to sitt down in an environment of peace and beauty, which steers you towards the divine.

As soon as I sit right I remember or read the beginning of the story of Parzival, enjoying it in friendly relaxation. And then I look back asking myself what did I actually read right now. I try to feel what happens in the story with the eyes and hearts of different persons and decide at some point what the essence of all this could be. Then I hold this essence in my heart, identifying with it

The story of tonight:

In the beginning of the story of Parzival we learn about the birth of two boys who never will know their father. It is the same man which is the father of both. His name is Gachmuret. Originally from Europe he serves under the Kalif of Bagdad, whom he admires as a most powerful man.

Serving the Kalif he arrives one day at a town in North Africa he has never visited before. The storm actually blows him there. The town with the surrounding lands is under siege and Gachmuret decides to help the people of the town and their beautiful queen. He manages to free the town without too much bloodshed using his extraordinary skills as a knight. The impressed and grateful queen becomes his wife and he becomes the king of the land. After a while his longing for France and the culture he came from and for more fighting draw him away. He leaves without telling his wife, only leaving a letter behind. The queen is pregnant but the child will never know his father.

For reasons too complicated to tell here, the whole story happens in France one more. The african marriage is declared invalid, Gachmuret marries Herzeloyde and once more he rides from a pregnant woman without coming back. But this time he doesn't come back because he dies. The pain hits his second wife so hard that she is unable to handle it. Finally she gets a grip of herself and decides to let the boy she has born grow up in seclusion, totally shielded from all which has to do with knights and fighting.

So what we have is two boys who will grow up without a father. The North african boy whose name is Feirefiz will possibly find other male role modells, the other one certainly won't.

The two will meet at the turning point towards the end of the whole story and be of great value to each other because of their growing up in different cultures, but that is still far away. For now they are both sons of widows. They grow up in a strongly female energy, and without the male energy guding them.

Blessings of light

Contemplativ meditations about Parzival (2)

Yesterday we ended up with the word "sons of a widow". If you have rested in the pictures that did lead us there and have felt the energy of it, you might have felt like I did, how much our modern state of being is like being the Son of a Widow (at least in the parts of the world I know). What do I mean by that?

Often the Father is seen as the connection to society, to the traditions on earth that carry us and hold us. The Mother is seen as the protector of our innermost self, our individuality. In many languages the homeland is called the fatherland, while the home language is the mothertongue. As modern people we are not born into cultural conditions that are able to carry our soul down to earth and let it find its place in society with its spirituality undamaged. We have to find our way without getting guidance from the male principle, because this male principle has let itself get caught in materialistic and morally dubious patterns.

Let us move on to our two boys. The story tells us almost nothing about the childhood of Feirefiz. The one thing that is said is that he was born spotted black and white. Now that sounds ridiculous and there is no way Wolfram, who wrote it, could have believed that this was physically possible - so what is he trying to say? Imagine yourself walking through a forrest with high trees that make a dense roof of leaves over you. Imagine beams of strong sunlight falling through here and there. What does it do to your consciousness to walk through this room of dark shadows and light. It seems to me that is expands your consciousness, makes it more sensing and feeling, more dreamy and at the same time more aware. It draws out the clairvoyance of the heart, which can embrace darkness and light, while our everyday awareness holds itself in the middle. I believe that to be the meaning of Feirefiz' being born spotted black and white. He is a high soul that can penetrate the dark side of existence as well as the bright sight.

Now let us turn to Parzival. He grows up isolated from society on a farm his mum has retreated to. He gets virtually no education and he is very sensitive. With his loving heart he lives more in his surroundings than within himself. Especially does he love the song of the birds. But that which he was destined to be comes through. He makes a bow and arrow for himself shooting the birds he loves so much and crying when they die. He makes a spear and trains himself to become a good hunter. In the seclusion in which he lives he is not formed by culture and society. He only sees his mother and a few servants who live with them, and the only education she gives him is about God who is the light one, the shining one, while he has an enemy who is the dark one. All in all we have huge sensitivity, deep innocence and a very simpel and naiv moral world view.

We come here to a most difficult truth. Sometimes something good is taken away - like the guiding hand of a father and society. It is really bad and does some actual damage. But it also opens up for new and special developments, it prepares for the growth of new abilities and expands the potential of the human being. What will become of this boy with a heart so soft and the ingeniuity of warrior. What will become of him when he one day meets society with all its complicated rules, he who is growing up with almost no rules at all.

What is the mission of these two souls??

I recommend to imagine, when you have reached the essence of these pictures and lived in it for a while, that you give it to the angels as a spiritual gift and ask them to use this gift for the best of our world.

Blessings of light.

Contemplativ meditations about Parzival (3)

We have, as we have mentioned before and you probably all know, to follow certain steps for a succesful contemplative meditation

A. We reach a state of calmness and harmony. Do it in your own way.

B. We acquire an overview over the day's part of the story.

C. We translate the main pictures and incidents into colours and/or feelings.

D. We let these feelings and colours melt together and let go of them so that their essence can appear.

E. We identify with this essence and let it teach us, transform us.

F. We give the fruit of this process as a gift to the angels so they may use it to do good to our world.

These steps are important. They take effect even if you to begin with only get a glimt of what you are doing during steps C, D and E.


This day's part of the story brings a lot of acceleration. The slow and uniform state of being Parzival has been living in, suddenly stops. It happens when Parzival meets four knights in the forrest, whom he believes to be Gods, because of their gloriously beautiful and shining suits of armor. But soon enough he understands the function of armors, he learns about knights and is told that he has to find king Arthur to become a knight himself. His mother understands that she cannot stop him, but she is overwhelmed by fear. So she decides to make it difficult for him to succeed, hoping he might come back. She gives him a really bad horse, the most ridiculous clothes and a fools cap - and the following four advices:

1. Keep away from uncleared paths and do not cross dark streams. Where the water is clear and limpit it is safe to cross.

2. Be kind and polite towards everyone.

3. If a man with experience wants to share his knowledge and wisdom, show him respect. Listen to his words politely and attentively. Take his advice seriously, as a source of direction for your own actions.

4. If you have the chance to obtain a good woman's ring and salutation, take it: It can make life sweeter to kiss her, and it may dampen your pain that she allows you to embrace her body. All this can bring you deep happiness and high courage, if she is chaste and good.

That would possibly have been useful advice for a young man with some experience, but Parzival doesn't have any context. He is given answers to questions he does not have yet, and that is always the worst kind of education. Just look what happens.

When he rides away and comes to a river he just takes to the left because he is not sure if the stream isn't too dark. When he finally crosses over he finds a sleeping woman in a precious tent who's husband is away for the moment. Because she is stunningly beautiful and has a ring, he does what he believes his mother taught him. He kisses Jeshute against her will and takes her ring with him when he rides on, bringing her into great difficulties because her returning husband Orilus believes she has been unfaithful.

Parzival rides on, totally unaware of the drama he has started and of the fact that he has created an enemy for himself, who is coming after him. He rides on full of joy and greets everyone kindly and politely telling them that his mother has taught him to do so.

All this might sound almost absurd, but in it's absurdity it is quite clearly telling us something important:

- Naivity is not quite the same as innocence.

- We can become guilty when we follow the rules without empathy.

- Our understanding can sometimes be so embarressingly superficial that it turns the meaning of a good advice into the opposite of what it was supposed to mean.

- We can cause bad effects without even knowing it, especially if we follow rules that seem to legitimize our actions.

Transform it all into qualities your heart can grasp and find the power of spiritual growth it releases!

Blessings of light.

Contemplativ meditations about Parzival (4)

In today's portion of the Parzival story our ignorant hero is - almost - becoming a knight.

He will learn about his family and his position in society from Sigune. He will find his way to king Arthur with the help of a fisherman. He will attain a fantastic horse and a red armour from Ither, he will learn to fight like a knight from Iwanet and finally he will get a thorough education from Gurnemanz.

We have left him riding away from Jeshute, whom he unintentionally had pushed into a hard fate, completely unaware that her husband Orilus now was trying to catch him. He kindly greets everyone he meets on his way, telling them that his mother told him to do so. - Then he meets Sigune. He hears her first crying loudly. He finds her with her beloved in her arms, who has just been killed by Orilus (the same who is Jeshutes husband but Parzival does not know that). Sigune sees through his ridiculous outfit. She sees a strong, extraordinarily beautiful young man and, as he tells his story, she knows at once who he is. She knows of his mother and the lands she brought into her marriage with Gachmuret, who had also inherited his own lands from his brother. She knows that Orilus and his brother Lähelin tried to take advantage of the situation which was created when Parzivals mother dissapeared with him. The dead, deeply loved Schionatulander lying in her lap actually has died defending Parzivals future property and rights. She tries to explain all this and more to him and he grasps some of it. Being the man of action he is, he wants to go after the one who killed Schionatulander, but Jeshute is afraid that he might get himself killed and sends him another way.

Since he cannot find the man who killed Schionatulander Parzival turns back to his original intention: To find King Arthur in order to become a knight. In the evening of this day, which still is the day he rode away from his mother, he stays in the house of a fisherman, who at the following day shows him the way to Nantes, where king Arthur stays at the time.

Before he enters the city he meets a strong knight in a red colored armour called Ither. Even the sword is forged in a way that makes it red. This Ither had a disagreement with Arthur and has therefor challenged Arthur or someone who wants to stand for Arthur to duell with him. To make a long story very short: After having met Arthur Parzival becomes the one to fight Ither. He has however no honorable motivation. He is only after the armour and the wonderful horse, which will become his, if he manages to win the fight.

Neither is he fighting in an honorable way. He addresses Ither without any kind of respect, and when Ither finaly pushes him forcefully off his weak horse, Parzival throws a short spear through the eye-opening in Ithers helmet and kills him. There is no voice of consciousness speaking inside him there and then. It is first much later that he - looking back - understands that he has done something which he rather wouldn't have done. All he is interested in for the moment is, how to get the beautiful armour off the dead body.

Luckily Iwanet arrives. He is a young man who has served many knights and knows everything about knighthood. He has met Parzival already in the city and he has an intuitiv understanding of Parzivals situation and helps him with empatic kindness. So - the armour comes off - but, when Iwanet helps Parzival to put it onto himself, Parzival insists to have the fools clothes underneath, because "his mother gave them to him". Iwanet then shows Parzival how to ride and fight like a knight, and Parzival manages to learn quite a lot in just a few hours. Then he rides away on Ithers wonderful horse, giving no thought to the dead body he leaves lying on the ground.

In the evening he arrives at a proud castle with many towers which impresses him a lot. Here he finds the experienced, greyhaired man his mother told him to listen to; and Gurnemans, seeing how Parzival is without a clue, agrees to become his teacher and guide. Parzival stays at the castle and receives finally the good kind of male energy, which he has been missing until now. He learns and trains everything that belongs to the life of a knight - from hygiene to rituals, from politeness to the rules of combat, until he really is a knight from the inside out, not just a shining armour with a fool inside,

This is such a beautiful way to teach about the steps of finding ones identity. It is already there - but not. There is the waeve of fate, the relatives, the family history. - There is Parzivals own urge, which lets him envision the right goal through the eyes of an immature fool, ready to use the egos brutality to reach it. What better picture could there be for this then the red knight with a fools costume underneath. - There is finally the mercy of learning, of being allowed to live and mature within the energy of a good teacher.

I believe everyone can find these steps within his or her life, maybe even more often then once. The male and female energies are of cause in our time not necessarily bound to the outer gender of a person. - We can even use these steps to find out where we are imbalanced and what we could do about it.

Wish you a marvelous inner work.

Blessings of light.

Contemplativ meditations about Parzival (5)

Fifth contemplative meditation on Parzival

Towards the end of Parzivals time with his wonderful teacher Gurnemans a complication arises. Gurnemans wishes to hold him there, klinging to the hope that Parzival could mary Gurnemans' daughter. He has lost three sons and wishes to find in Parzival the man he can entrust with the riches and the good habits he himself has fostered and cultivated. He believes that the sympathy and attraction that exists between Parzival and Liase can be enough to make Parzival happy and and able to feel he is in the right place.

In Parzival however the ideal of a knights love has now risen strongly. He has to make himself worthy of the love of the woman that will belong to him, show himself worthy through courageous fight for a worthy cause. It is a concept of love long forgotten in our days.

So he takes his leave. It is not easy for him. He has a bad conscience and it isn't all that easy for him to let go of the image of Gurnemans datter Liase either.

He is dreaming and arguing with himself and therefor he lets his horse, the horse he inherited from Ither, find the way. The pure and wild nature does its healing work, and when he rides down from the mountains he crosses, he finds himself riding along a river which is rushing towards the sea. There by the sea he finds a town and to reach it he has to cross a bridge which looks rather unsteady and is defended by people who are clearly emaciated. The town is under siege, the attackers have made an attempt to win by letting no food into town. The arrival of Parzival who choses to fight on the town peoples' side and a storm which blows ships with a lot of good food into the towns harbour turn the tide. The attacker who wanted to force the queen over the town and the surrounding lands into marriage has to admit his defeat, and Parzival has now the feeling of honor that allows him to seek the queens love. He becomes king of a kingdom that he has freed through his own efforts and that he will build up with passion, skill and joy, and with the respect of its inhabitants. And with that, which has all the marks of a fullfilled life - we leave him for today.

And he leaves us with a question which has quite some power. He has now reached a completion that sounds both natural and reasonable for a normally developed knight. But he is not a normally developed knight. So - all these strange and strong feelings, all these wild and independent impulses he has had time to let become strong - what is he going to do with them, what is he going to use them for???

Contemplative meditations on the Parzival story (6)

The unexpected challenge

After a while life in the kingdom of Pelrapaire and Parzivals life with his co-ruler and wife Kondwiramur has fallen into place and is settling down. The two sons they have give them happiness and complete their feeling of belonging together. Now that things have calmed down Parzival has time to think back and he decides to ride back to meet his mother, the mother with the abundently rich and a little oversensitive heart, capable of great empathy and possesing an unusal richness of strong feelings. He believes it will be a relatively short trip, but now fate intervenes and leads him to a deeper destiny he hasn't anticipated. He is now in full possesion of his abilities, both as a natural man and a man of society, but the challenge he is about to meet askes for something else, something more.

Sonehow he looses his path and enters a region unkwon to him, a landscape of harsh, but majestic beauty. Looking for a place to sleep he comes to a silent lake. On the lake are some noble looking men fishing. He gets invited to the nearby castle and is treated there like the most treasured guest. When he is asked to dinner he finds himself in an abundantly adorned hall with an incredibly huge number of people. The tables, the tableclothes, the tableware are set up in a worthy, ritualistic way and everything in the room is of highest quality and tremendously valuable. The room is very warm from a number of fireplaces on which precious fragnant wood is burnt.

He gets a place together with the king, who quite visibly is suffering great pain, so that he can neither sitt nor lie down but is kept in a position in between in which he copes best. Parzival is treated with the utmost politeness, even signs of love and friendship are exchanged. Everyone somehow seems to know him and even to wait for something to come from him, though it is politely hidden. But neither his natural abilities nor the education Gurnemans has given him are giving him any directions as to what to do. The natural man in him gets abashed, meeting all this wealth, the strange rituals and the terrible suffering of his host. Hiis strength and his fighting skills have nothing to contribute with here. The man of society with his now perfect education doesn't know what to make of it either, so he remains politely silent.

There is no food to be seen. But then a group of ladies in the finest colours and clothes are in a very ritualistic way carying in a chalice-like cup. And now right before his eyes a miracle is unfolding. The cup provides for everyone exactly the foods and beverages they wish for and need. It becomes even clearer that evryone is waiting for some kind of reaction coming from him, but he holds his polite mask. There is nothing comimg from inside him matching the situation and he playes it safe.

The gathering is then dissolved in the same ritualistic and solemn way and Parzival is guided to his extraordinarily beautiful sleeping place.

Awakening next day he soon realizes that something is wrong. The castle seems to be empty. His armour, his horse, his shield and his sword are all prepared for him. His host even has left him another sword as a gift, but there is noone to be seen. Parzival looks everywhere and calls after people until he gets really angry. He can see the track of a lot of people leading out of the castle and he decides to follow them to find the way back to his strange host. When he crosses the drawbridge it goes up so sudden and fast that his horse nearly falls. A young man is shouting down on him sonething like: ""The sun should hate you. You're a goose. If you just had touched the reality you have seen and showed interest in the suffering of our king. Now the great prize is denied you. "

Thus Parzival leaves the castle yelled at, humiliated and angry and without a clue. He follows the massiv track, but somehow it gets smaller and thinner until it totally dissapears.

It seems to me that Parzinal is lifted into a spiritually real situation in which he only manages to awake halfways. His senses and the part of the heart belonging to them are awake, his will and the will-side of his heart is still trapped in the normal world. He is not capable to awaken his will to take the spiritual action, to ask the question of compassion from his own inner center, without any outer guidance. He enjoys the whole scene but is nort aware of his own role and resposiblity and he is therefor doomed to loose the track and to stay back in confusion and anger.

Now he lives with a riddle and with the memory of a challenge he couldn't handle, which he will neither be willing nor capable to let go of, and which over time will open the door to an entirely new life.

Blessings of light.

Contemplative meditations on the Parzival story (7)

Right after Parzival has lost track of the people guarding the Grail (that's how the magical cup is called) he meets Sigune again. It takes some time before they recognize each other. Parzival looks different, now being an adult knight, from when he met her the first time looking, like a young fool. She looks quite different too. She has chosen to live the life of a hermit, honoring the memory of the beloved man she never came to marry. She has cut her hair and her face is pale.

When he tells her that he has spent the night in a castle nearby she tells him about the castle, she seems to know a lot about. The castle is called Monsalväsch (which probably means "the mountain of salvation") in the kingdom Terre de Salväsch (which probably means "the land of salvation"). It can never be found by those who look for it. It has to happen unintentionally (by an act of mercy). The suffering king is called Anfortas. One of his brothers is Trevrizent who has chosen the life of a hermit and is building up positive spiritual energies to balance those actions of his family which have been destructive. The sword Parzival has received as a gift from Anfortas has magical properties. Used once it is incredibly strong and sharp. Used the second time it breaks into pieces. These pieces come together again if brought to the well that was used during the sword's creation and the sword becomes even stronger and sharper, but a secret word of blessing is needed which Parzival does not know.

Sigune hopes that Parzival has taken action, has asked a question of compassion. She hopes that Anfortas' suffering has come to an end. She believes Parsifal might now be the ruler over the land all around belonging to the knights of the Grail. But, when he does not know the word of blessing belonging to the sword, she asks him directly if he has asked questions responding to the things he saw, and when Parzival reveals to Sigune that he did not ask any questions she is deeply disappointed and dispirited and cuts off the conversation.

The next people Parzival meets are Jeshute and Orilus who are both trapped in the consequences of Parzival's actions on the first day he was on his way away from his mother. He fights Orilus, but after he has won the fight he swears an oath in front of Orilus confirming the harmlessness of his encounter with Jeshute and her complete innocence. In this way he manages to heal the relationship he had almost destroyed.

Now he has lived though a part of his first day "in the world". While he wasn't prepared to help Anfortas and has to experience himself as dishonored, he seems to have gained some social healing abilities.

It is cold and it is winter and Parzival has a lot to process while riding on. When his horse stops at a place where three drops of blood from a goose are on the snow, he sinks into a deep trance, in which he dreams about his wife Kondwiramur. In this rare state of consciousness he gets attacked twice, because he unconsciously holds his spear like a knight who challenges another, and so deep is his trance that his instincts kick in automatically and he defeats his attackers without even knowing it. We see here how he is his mothers son, able to let himself engulf completely by the strongest passions and feelings carried by the human blood. In fact we will understand more and more that the transformation of these passions and feelings, the transformation of the blood, will give Parzival the ability to use his will within the region of the Spirit, which he couldn't yet when he met Anfortas.

Then comes a third man, sent from King Arthur to find him, a man called Gawan, son of the king of Norway. He takes the time to assess the situation and has the experience to understand what is going on. So he covers the blood with a cloth, tells the awakening Parzival what has happened and leads him to King Arthur and his court. King Arthur knights Parzival, which still hadn't been done. That is why Arthur had tried to find him and why he sent Gawan to him.

We see how Parzival after his half-meeting with the communion of the Grail, meets all he has touched on his first day in the world, coming from his (over-)protective mother. He has now his own rightful ring from the woman he loves dearly and he is able to heal the ring the belongs to the marriage of Orilus and Jeshute.
Meeting Sigune his knowledge is expanded, which is valuable despite of her dissapointment
He knows how to cross a river now, but he has got a new border to cross, the border to the kingdom of the Grail, which can only be crossed by trust and mercy, by an almost buddhist act of notdoing. He is still far from that.
He has mastered the art of knighthood and is now a leading, recognized figure among the knights.

All in all one could say something lost something gained.

Blessings of light.

Contemplativ meditations on the Parzival story ( 8)

Our story takes now some very strange turns. Our hero will soon dissapear into the background, from where he will take some effect on that which is happening in the forground, but there Gawan will go through the action we would belive to be Parzivals. - First Parzival and Gawan, still celebrating at Arthurs court, are being accused. Parzival is being accused by the strangest figure of the whole legend. She is described as extremly ugly and aggressiv, a bit of a nightmare. To hold it a little shorter today, she is very much alike a being we can meet when we consciously aware draw near the border of the divine world. It is a being which represents all our own deeper and wilder powers we have kind of "parked" outside ourselves to be able to develop our clear modern consciousness. These powers have to be reintegrated. They hold deep wisdom, knowledge of the context of our karma, but also all that which is still impure or drawn towards evil. This being is now throwing a lot of hatred towards Parzival, attacking his faith and trust in himself by accusing him of not caring about the fate of Anfortas, and how that shows what an unacceptable character he is.

At the same time also Gawan is accused of having lured a knight into a trap and having murdered him.

None of these accusationes are true. Parzival does care, he just wasn't ready yet, and Gawan had nothing to do with the murder of that knight. But here it is, pushing them both on a new path.

Parzival will from now on search for the knights of the Grail and give every knight he defeats the same mission. It is said that he turns away from God, not because he doesn't believe in his existence but because he doubts his kindness and justice. He has the strength to turn away until something will convince him otherwise (a bit like Thomas in the bible). You can see that as a step towards the inner selfreliance he will need to ask his question of compassion. - Gawan gets on his way to stand trial for a murder he didn't commit.

On his way he gets drawn into a great battle, and a lady is taking his fighting skills in her services against embracing him with her love, as it was back then. It was not meant to be sexual, but it was emotionally strong love. The almost scandalous thing in this case is that the lady still is a child, the little sister of the one this whole war is about. In the end there is found a peaceful solution and we hear that Parzival has been fighting on the other side.

Gawan will in three more steps purify his forces of love. At the second step the pictures seem to indicate that it is about loosing controll through the forces of sexual atraction. Again a solution is found and again is Parzival moving in the background. Gawan has to take over the mission to search for the knights of the grail from someone else, now being directly involved in Parzivals search. But before Gawan completes his two remaining steps of purification, Parzival will meet Trevrizent the hermit and brother of Anfortas.

There is a wonderful secret lying here, about people being interconnected and even able to purify anothers fate, taking over some of that which is holding them back. There is a message of hope and love here. Sometimes we are actually getting help and sometimes we are actually able to help!

Have a wonderful new year.

Blessings of light.

(The picture showes Gawan)

Contemplative meditations on the story of Parzival (9).

Contemplative meditations on the story of Parzival (10).

For a long period the poet and his source of inspiration have left Parzival in the background: Longing for his wife, getting stronger and harder all the time, searching for the Grail, lonly - left alone even by us. Now - probably years later - we are invited to share his life again. That is because something new is happening, a transformation is beginning to take place.

He meets Sigune again, who lives in her own hermitage now, at the outkant of all human life, mourning and praying and in that way making the marriage with her beloved Schionatulander real. It is about loving an individual soul for her, a man who cannot be replaced. That is her will. - Also on Parzival sorrow has left his mark, also he is forever faithful to his beloved, whom he cannot be with caught up in the search for the Grail. Also his will is adamant.
They have the deepest compassion for eachother and Sigune forgives him, even shows small signs of hope. She can live at this remote place because she is brought food from the Grail each night before a sunday. The scary, extremly ugly being that scoldingly had accused Parzival in public, is bringinging it to her. This being is called Kundry, the sorceress, because she ows magical powers.
She has just been there, and Sigune suggests that Parzival might find what he is looking for, if he follows her. He does so without hesitation but she has ridden on her mule through difficult terrain where he looses her track.

Instead he is challenged by a knight whose horse wears the sign of the community of the grail: The turtle dove, the sign of gentleness, of being one with the spirit, of divine love. Maybe because of its infinite gentleness the kingdom of the Grail is so well hidden and its borders are so fiercly defended if detected. The knight whom Parzival meets shouts only a short warning and then they ride in full speed towards each other. Parzival, as the master he has become, manages to throw the kinght of the Grail from his horse without hurting him seriously, but the knight falls into a glen, from which he escappes climbing up the other side. Parzivals horse driven by the power of its speed falls also into the glen and breaks its neck. Parzival grabs a branch that is reaching out over the glen and saves his own life. The horse of the fleeing knight gets his reins entangled into the branches a tree, and Parzival can therefor take it as his own.

He rides now on a Grails-horse. Grails-horses are said to have special skills of orientation and other wonderous abilities. He has also the sword that Anfortas gave him. Somehow he has learned to use it. This sword might be a metaphor for the might of the word, the power of language: If you find the right, the sharp way of expressing a deeper truth and do so once, it will hit home with precision, but should you try to use the same words a second time their power will shatter into pieces and have no effect. To make it whole again you have to renew the process of its creation in the waters of the well which were used the first time, which is the inspirational well which lies beyond words, even beyond memory. One could also say: Parzival rides now a horse enveloped into the spirit of the turtle dove and he uses a sword that requires of its user to be totally in the moment.

Then it comes - Parzival gets confronted with his turning away from the divine. It is Good Friday, the day of commemorating the sacrifice of Christ, of commerating the spill of his blood. A day also of the commemoration of the sacrifices of all holy men and women in all cultures and religions, who have been tortured and killed for their faith, their love and their hope. Maybe someone will say: No, this is only the day of Jesus Christ. But Jesus Christ, who was he? He was a jewish man, who grew far beyond judaism, and if he is as all-encompassing as some believe him to be, he is for certain also the living secret of Christianity, which grew far beyond Christianity. If you listen to his words, really listen, you hear a genius speaking, a genius of humanity in all his nuances and situations, especially the very concrete ones. So forgive me for making Parzivals Good Friday a day of all those who have been willing to sacrifice themselves in devotion to divine wisdom and love, in devotion to the reality of God. I strongly believe that to be in accordance with him.

On this Good Friday Parzival meets a group of pilgrims. Confronted with their humility and kindness and asked to follow, his hatred towards the divine becomes very clear. He says it directly: God has treated him so terribly badly and been so unfair, that he does not want to have anything to do with him, - but riding on alone a little later something within his heart opens up and he lets go of the reins, asking that his horse might lead him to a place where the heavy burden of his impossible relationship with God can be lifted.

As always - when you have reached the essence of these pictures and lived in it for a while, give it to the angels as a spiritual gift and ask them to use this gift for the best of our world - or do something equivalent in your own way.

Blessings of light.

Contemplative meditations on the Parzival story (11)

Contemplative meditations on the story of Parzival (10)

At this moment, when Parzival is getting near the understanding of the spiritual center of his culture, I wish there also was a North-African Feirefiz-legend who tells the story from his personal and cultural point of view. Such a legend doesn't exist - as far as I know, so we will have to listen carefully to what Wolfram from Eschenbach is telling. Being bound by his own cultural context he is obviously more implying things then actually saying them. We will come to that tomorrow, but it feels right at this moment to remind ourselves that Feirefiz, the North-African half-brother is still around - also growing, also learning.

Parzivals horse carries him right where he needs to be. He now finds his second teacher. While his first teacher Gurnemans taught him everything he needed to know about the society he lives in and healed him from his total ignorance, his second teacher will heal his inner turmoil and give him the spiritual context he needs to understand his own higher purpose.

The horse carries him to the hermit Trevrizent, who is not only the brother of the suffering leader of the Grails-community, but also the brother of Parzivals mother. Parzival will share the hermit life for two weeks, eating roots and leaves and drinking water. He will learn a lot about the Grail and the people protecting it, he will see his own mistakes clearly and learn how to handle guilt with honesty, but without letting himself get draggged down. He will learn about the suffering of Anfortas and the role he is supposed to play regarding this suffering.

He learns about the Grail. We already know that it has the ability to give everything to eat or to drink anyone can want and need. In addition it has a life prolonging effect. Those who see it each day do not die and their skinn remains youthful. Its energy is replenished once a year. This replenishment is experienced as a dove which brings a piece of bread to the Grail. It is said to be a cup, but considering that it produces all kinds of food in all sizes, we have to assume that this is a picture of its function, not the desription of a physical object. The same goes for the colour. It is said to be of gemstone and when I try to imagine it I usually see it green, but that might just be me. It makes sense that the colour could express the kind of manifestation which is taking place. The only constant seemes to be that the Grail is taking in something from above and giving it out again - therefor the cup. I read once that the Grail symbolizes the highest ability of the human brain, standing at the threshold between knowledge and clairvoyance, between acting practically and magically.

Parzival gets help to see the beneficial or destructive consequences of his actions. He understands that Ither, the red knight he killed, not just was a wonderful man, but also a man tightly tied to his own family and that it was a terrible mistake to kill him. Then he learns that his mother has died the day he ran away from her, not being able to cope with the sudden change. He learns to deal with all this by letting go of his own thought and will and seeking to accept the divine thought and will, which access the true value of his actions but then give forgiveness and healing and a new way forward.

Finally Parzival learns how Anfortas received a wound in his underbelly and how the wound will not heal. It happened when he was much younger, already king of the Grail, but not yet fully committed. The tipp of the spear that was used to wound him was poisened. In the many years since then any healing method from the whole wide world has been tried without success. The pain worsens at certain planetary constellations. Then - one day- a writing appeares on the Grail announcing the arrival of a young knight who could save him. He just has to ask why Anfortas suffers and the wound would be healed and the young man would become the king of the Grail, but for that to happen the question would have to come solely from the young man without any outside incitament.

So Parzival begins to see himself in the context of his divine mission and with other peoples eyes.

The day he rides away from Trevrizent he is a transformed man. He still does not know if he will ever get a new chance to fullfill his mission and he still carries the deaths of Ither and of his mother with him, but he carries it all with responsibility and courage now. He is like a totally cleansed and newborn soul on the inside.

May you too find such a wonderful teacher and biographic healer when the time is right for you.

Blessings of light.

Contemplative meditations on the Parzival story (11)

Again the story is shifting away from Parzival to follow Gawan, who continuous his process of inner growth and purification of the forces of attraction and love. He meets “Orgeluse” and responds to the meeting with all the strength of passionate, romantic, idealistic feelings, he has - which are met with cold, scornful remarks and a condescending, contemptuous attitude. (Probably an experience some modern men can relate to). 

Gawan does not give up though. He is aware of Orgeluses unkindness and sees how she is using the men who are interested in her, without caring for their feelings, but he has also an impression of the pain and desperation that drive her, her loss of something quite basic. 
He learns that she lost her husband in the past and that the man who killed her husband kept her in captivity, trying to pressure her into becoming his wife. Now she has lost her center and replaced it with a thirst for revenge, that suppresses the pain but also all the quieter feelings of love and hope.
He decides to stand by her and even to allow her to use him as the tool of her revenge. A grand duel with a lot of noble spectators is set up between him and Gramoflans, the man who killed Orgeluses husband. Early in the morning of the day of the duel Gawan gets by mistake into a fight with Parzival, a fight which they stop as soon as the misunderstanding is discovered. But Gawan has almost been defeated and is exhausted and the fight with Gramoflans has to wait. 
Gramoflans is then hit by the same fate, also he gets in a fight with Parzival and learns that he is not the one who is strongest.
Parzivals unintentional intervention happens at a crucial moment, and delays the process just enough to reach a peace-agreement. Orgeluse gives finally up on her revenge, the duel is canceled and she can now open up to Gawan.

What has happened in Gawan? He has learned to put the reality of a human being in need over his own feelings. He has sacrifized his ideal of romantic love for the higher ideal of caring for another human soul.

Then his last challenge arrives. There is a magic castle, build by the most ingenious man of Parzivals og Gawans time. This man is quite clearly an enlightened person with deep insight in the use of spiritual and magical forces. He is nevertheless also a really scary figure, because he has left the unspoken bond of solidarity that binds all human beings together. This man has built a castle where he is holding many noble women captive and he has built in a way to free these women, but it is quite dangerous and many who have tried have lost their life.
What Gawan has to do is to get through the experience of the “miracle-bed”. When he enters the bed-room the floor is extremely slippery and like made of glass. The bed has four wheels, made of ruby. Each time he comes near it the bed rolls away. Finally he jumps on it and the bed starts to move with enormous speed, crashing against one wall after another. The noise is so strong and the ride is so dangerous that Gawan draws a thick shield over himself: Suddenly the bed stops in the middle of the room. But now stones are thrown and arrows are shot at him. Then a giant with otter skin appears trying to undermine his self-esteem, and finally a huge lion attacks him and he has to fight for his life. He defeats in the end the lion, losing his consciousness from exhaustion. - The castle is now his and the women in it are freed.

These drastic and quite humorous pictures seem to express what can be experienced when a man confronts his sexuality - not just in its obvious aspects, but how it is linked to his pride, his self-affirmation, his feeling good in the world and in his body, his joy of making an impression, his feeling of importance through the possibilty of becoming a father, and so on. When we try to get beyond all that, to become independent of it, to anchor our self-esteem in the Spirit, we can go through experieces like the one decribed by Wolfram from Eschenbach in this scene. It is described from a male point of view, but there might be related experiences to go through for a woman.

Gawan is now the lord of the magic castle, the one who has become independent of the gifts and limitations of his natural self, and in some unfathomable way Parzival has gone through this development with him. They have reached a state where unselfishness can be the highest fullfillment, the strongest affirmation of the higher self.

Love and blessings of light.

Contemplative meditations on the Parzival story (12)

How is he, Parzival? What fate will find him today??

The fate that is about to find him is: to go through the one experience he has never had… the experience of being defeated. A strange being, with wisdom and magic totally different from his, but just as strong, is on its way to meet him. Who is it? It is his half-brother, and they will meet soon. But when they meet they will not see each other’s faces, there will be no time to speak and they will not know that they are brothers. They will both fight the fight of their life, first on their horses and then with their swords and in the end Parzival’s sword will shatter in the very moment he tries to drive home his most deadly blow onto the helmet of Feirefiz.

The sword he took from Ither shatters, and then the strong man who has fought him stops the fight, because he does not see the advantage, he is getting in this way, as noble and just. So instead they sit down and get to know each other. This shows the finest nobility and is exactly the opposite of what Parzival did when he killed Ither.

As soon as they understand who they are to each other, they are not only reliefed, but filled with a joy that is hard to describe. Feirefiz is actually at this place at this time because he has taken upon himself the long journey to the home country of his father and he has learned on his way about Parzival. And for Parzival, who has been alone for such a long time, this meeting is a tremendous gift.

The legend implies that already then, while they are sitting on the ground, Feirefiz begins to reveal to Parzival the kind of wisdom and magic he possesses: The wisdom and the magic of the stars, of the planets. He explains how Parzival couldn’t defeat him because the powers of the planets within our solar system protected him and gave him extra strength and agility and strengthened his armour. He shows Parzival, how certain gemstones were used to hold these powers connected to him. Parzival is in this way introduced to the spiritual knowledge Feirefiz has taken in during his growing up. Thus Parzival widens his horizons.

Soon they are in the camp of the knights of Arthus. Feirefiz meets Arthus himself and his dronning. In that moment, when Parzival for the first time has to live through the merciful kindness of another human being and manages to do so in trust, in that very moment Kundry the sorceress appears on her mule and relates that a new writing has appeared on the Grail, calling Parzival back into the Grails-castle. Being allowed to take one person with him he takes Feirefiz.

You might think: but how can he ask a valid question now that he knows everything. But does he?
One of the most holy laws in this world is that while we have to take with us as much as possible crossing the threshold from the spiritual to the physical world, we have to leave everything behind crossing the other way. So, if you think Parzival can now ask the question knowing what he has to do, that is not really the case. He can only ask the question out of his compassion and his stepping into his power and responsibility. That is what he has learned on his long way. That is, as strange as it may sound, at the center of all there is to learn on the way to the Grail.

When the question is asked, Anfortas is healed and Parzival has taken over his function as protector of the Grail and conveyer of the Grails powers, we are made known with a surprising fact: 
Feirefiz – looking at the Grail – sees nothing!

Also he has to learn something entirely new. While he knows a lot about the secrete powers of the cosmos and nature, he knows little about the divine center of the human personality, about the source of love within the human personality. Of course that is not something that can be learned in the usual meaning of the word. The pictures the legend gives us are either ridiculous or hiding something. The legend says that Feirefiz fell in love with a Christian lady form the Grails environment and that her condition to marry him was that he would agree to receive the Christian baptism. So he did - and suddenly he saw the Grail !?

To make sense of that let us remember, that the Grail symbolizes (or actually is) the spiritual center, the source of abundance and unselfish love within the human personality. Falling in love can sometimes lift us far beyond our ego and make us become aware of unselfish feelings and will-powers we normally do not know we have. It also allows a transfer of experiences, of knowledge beyond knowledge between those who love each other. Of course often we fall back even deeper into our egos, but not always. What happens to Feirefiz is that he through the personality of his beloved gets in touch with the kind of wisdom and magic Christianity understands better than anything else: The wisdom and magic of the personal love, which is weaving between God and the human soul and which is the secret core of all personal love.

I believe that Wolfram from Eschenbach was cautious and hid this truth under the ridiculous pictures. He also says that Feirefiz had to renounce his cosmic Gods, but that wouldn’t make much sense, would it now, to carry these wonderful powers in his energy-field and start to teach Parzival about them and then renounce them ?! His new insight might have transformed Asklepios into Raphael, but that is not the same as renoucing him.

In all early meetings between Christianity and an older spiritual practice we can see how the older practice tries to understand the Christian impulse through its own knowledge and wisdom and how it than goes forth to understand its own traditions through the new impulse it has accepted into itself. The inauspicious fight between long established spirituality and newly born Christianity is never the result of a spiritual conflict, but always a result of the limitations and the concealed egos of the people involved.

The community of the Grail is in this moment transformed in two ways:

The new king is not a natural successor of the old one. He does not owe the dignity that gives him the right to his position to talent or mere vocation; he owes it to his own tenacity and consistency, which in the end call force the mercy of God. He has reached his position by a maturation process that hads led him through pain to freedom, through freedom to love.

The other transformation in the community of the Grail is that it from now on integrates the cosmic wisdom of the old and allows it to lift its gaze to the stars. After all Christ isn’t just the son of man but also the son of God, the logos which has created the universe. The two half-brothers stand equal also in this kind of skill and strength and it is about time that Christianity as a whole would listen not only to the sweet shepherds with the grateful personal hearts, but also to the austere wise men, the magi who understand Christ through the wisdom of the stars, who bring him their threefold gifts of magic.

Blessings of love and light.

Contemplative meditations on the Parzival story ( 13))

We have now reached the thirteenth of the holy nights, the extranight following the great march through the zodiac. It is said that we, while sleeping, live through our day backwards, and that while we experience our life looking from our center outwards during the day, we look at ourselves through the eyes of all the beings around us, seeing what kind of effect we have had on them especially through the way we think about them. Then – right before waking up – we go through it all once more forwards and this time it is densified and imprinted onto our soul, so that - in waking up - our soul is at the exact moment in time where it should be.

Something much alike is said to happen during the holy nights. We are guided through all we have had of sensations, emotions and deep feelings during the last year, it is all related to the archetypes that have let their characteristics stream together to create the human being, to give the human soul an original imprint of the divine. And again shortly before we awake a summary is created, an imprint is made. To support this process, please avoid all harsh situations during this night, and ask your divine helpers to form a strong protective shield of "diamond" around you, filled with refreshing love-carrying light in the color of the peach blossoms. The more you can calm down into the feeling of safety, the better.

We have used the story of Parzival as a guide through the holy nights. In this last night we shall let our minds rest on the last pictures of this story, which are telling us something about the progress of the Grails-wisdom, about the continuance of the Grails-responsibility. We remember: the Grail holds the people who see it each day young, they do not die. While it can be asked how physical an information like that is meant, we can surely read out of it, that - just like Anfortas was the king of the Grail for much longer than the normal lifespan of a human being – also Parzival holds the kingship of the Grail for a very long time. Since there isn`t the slightest sign of any kind of story about someone who followed, he probably still does hold the responsibility of protecting and passing on the powers of the holy Grail. We have learned - in the beginning of these contemplative meditations -, that Parzival is preparing himself and a whole group of people for the task of reintegrating all those who are losing themselves to evil into the right progress of evolution. We have seen horrifying examples of just how far human souls can lose themselves to evil in the last hundred years. There is definitely a challenging task, which will require capabilities of the human soul which almost aren`t there yet. In this context the last pictures of the story get a deeper meaning.

We know that Parzival had two sons with his Kondwiramur. One of them will take over the responsibilities of his father he had before ever meeting the Grail. The other one becomes an important member of the Grails-community. He and others are sent to take part in the political leadership, especially of Europe. They hold positions of power, but they have to follow a very strict rule. They cannot use their spiritual authority within these positions of power and to make that impossible they are only allowed to hold such a position as long as nobody knows about their background. It seems to be quite important that Europe builds up its development from the physical plane upwards, without direct divine intervention. There is of course a tragic aspect to this, but there is also the enormous divine trust in the ability of the human being to carve out its path upwards out of its own inner divinity – very much like Parzival himself did. We see this in the strong will that is taking effect inside of Europe, to strictly hold the spiritual and religious impulses on the one side and the political and economic impulses on the other side separated.

The storys last chapter leads us also from Europe towards the East. Parzivals half brother Feirefiz, the one who can take part in darkness and in light, ends – together with his beloved Repanse - up in India, where they get a son who becomes the first in a long line of priest-kings. There is no sign in the history of India of the beginning of a succession of priest-kings in the sixth or seventh century. So, if it is not just nonsense, what is hidden here? In India certainly an abundance of spirituality is alive which has been nursed and cultivated for a lot longer than fourteen hundred years. But let us hypothetically assume for a moment that this is not about a historical trip that Feirefiz took to India, but about something India (and maybe all of Asia) is capable and talented to develop: The balancing, harmonizing and bringing together of a spiritual life style and political and economical progress.

The carving out of a path upwards to a recognition of spirituality in the West - the bringing together of a spiritual life style with political and economical progress in the East - and behind it all the reality of divine life, love and light, with this hopeful picture our chain of meditations is concluded. How this sheds its light onto the situations in Russia, in North-Africa and the rest of Africa, in the two Americas and Australia, how this can build new chances for a productive relationship to shamanistic cultures, is left to everyone’s discrimination and creativity.

Blessings of love, light and life.